6# The Toxic Side of Sharing Problems

Shared Misery Is Double Misery

There's a distinction to be made: Are we dealing with energy vampires, people who leave us feeling weak, miserable and completely drained after spending time with them? Or are they problem people? The latter are even more dangerous because they spread aggression.

"A problem shared is a problem halved," as the saying goes. Someone tells us about their suffering, and suddenly we've absorbed the full intensity of their problem ourselves. Negative energy spreads like a virus, invisibly burrowing into our thoughts and settling over our heads like a silicone cap, preventing any positive thoughts from sprouting.

So here's some good news: You don't have depression – you've simply been talking to the wrong person!

A Problem Shared Is a Problem Doubled!

For anyone who wants to live a carefree life, here's an insider tip: Never complain, and above all, never share your problems with others. Because the moment we assume the role of a victim and tell someone else about our emotional turmoil, the intensity of the problem increases.

Yet many people want to talk about their problems, whine and complain, while others seem to function like emotional sponges, literally soaking up everyone else's negative energy. They feel other people's problems and worries triggering anger or aggression within them.

This often raises the question of why so many people fail to recognise their own mistakes and don't first look for the source of their problems within themselves, attempting to solve them independently before sharing them with others.

In many cases, pessimistic and emotionally unbalanced people can place a heavy burden on those around them. Such individuals drag others down with their negative thinking.

While it's possible to distance yourself from certain people in these situations, doing so isn't always easy when it comes to close family members, such as parents or relatives. Nevertheless, it's important to reflect on how constantly listening to other people's problems affects your own well-being.

To protect your mental health, temporarily withdrawing can be helpful. However, shutting yourself off isn't a long-term solution, but rather a temporary break until the next stressful situation arises.

That's why it's important to recognise when clear boundaries are necessary. When well-intentioned advice is ignored and the listener remains trapped in an endless cycle, it makes sense to say "no".

No to topics that trigger negative emotions, and no to conversations that threaten your inner balance. Setting such boundaries is important for protecting yourself from emotional overload and encouraging healthier relationships.

Even Etiquette Experts Haven't Figured It Out Yet

A little restraint when it comes to personal problems – that should be considered good manners! It should even be included in etiquette guides!

For about fifteen years now, we've supposedly had to apologise when we sneeze, while nobody wishes us "Bless you" anymore. Instead, we receive nothing more than an understanding nod. Well, sometimes. Personally, I haven't received one yet.

The reasoning behind this is that, back in the seventeenth century, people would make the sign of the cross and wish someone good health when they sneezed, but were supposedly wishing good health upon themselves. According to modern etiquette, that's considered selfish.

Yet telling other people about your problems – whether they want to hear them or not – still isn't considered inconsiderate.

Which Came First: The Problem or the Person?

Previously, only one person had a problem. Now everyone who listened has it too!

And because of one person, several others are now suffering, and the problem multiplies. This applies especially to the person who talked about their problem in the first place.

I have a theory that small children only start crying because they're shocked by the sensation of pain – a feeling they haven't experienced before because they're still little and relatively new to planet Earth.

Adults, on the other hand, usually don't cry, not because something doesn't hurt, but because they're already familiar with pain and have experienced it many times before.

So, apparently, we learn from experience.

You can't always protect yourself from problem people, but you should learn to set boundaries and create a barrier between the speaker and the listener.

At some point in life, adults need to understand how the "game" works and stop whining or forcing their suffering onto others in search of companions in misery.

Yet the inner child of these selfish adults is crying out for comfort and support.

That's why, as a listener, you should clearly say: "No, I don't want to talk about this subject with you, nor do I want to listen to you talk about it."

After all, your own life energy is at stake, and it can be poisoned by such violations of personal boundaries.

Everyone Is Responsible for Themselves

At some point in life, you have to find a way to deal with your problems. Or, to put it another way: Stop crying!

For the listener – Option Number One:

You think about the problem and look for a solution to help the person. Then you imagine a complication arising and that person blaming you for making everything even worse.

At that moment, you realise you can't help, and you simply abandon the idea of trying.

For the problem person – Option Number Two:

1. Accept the problem.

2. Look for a solution.

3. Solve the problem.

   
   

When you're faced with a problem – like me with a Rubik's Cube, which I'll probably never solve – it can actually help, in other situations, to simply ask for help!

There's always someone who has useful advice to offer. Complaining, on the other hand, only creates distance, overwhelms others and makes the problem grow. So it's better to look for solutions!

How about sharing a little joy for a change instead of suffering?

After all, as the saying goes, shared joy is double joy.

Anastasia Weimer